Should be sleeping =]

but i dont care.. =]

i probably will hate myself in the morning for staying up this late .. [class at 8:15 means get up before 7...] but i just had the most eventful night tonight and i just dont know what to say or what to do... but i knoww that i feel very excited and i get that feeling where i feel like everything i do is just silly... blahhhh hahaahhaah and i just can't stop laughing at myself.. crazyyy xD blahh...

well i finished reading for my next expos class, took some notes, probably should reread it but i might just do that later tomorrow after my fundies class. i read the syllabus for that and its pretty intense.. im not gonna lie.. im nervous. as for my theory class.. im definately behind and will have to work extra hard to catch up... sean wanted me to join the ballroom dancing club and i really want to, but i think i have to get over the RUscrew first.. and get back on top .. of my classes ;p wow that was corny...

anway.. things are picking up really well and im trying not to jinx it... even though the car did die on me today... my fault. boo me . but i had company ;p and help.. haha.. i dont know what i would've done without him.. probably sit and mope a little, then call him, haha then try to find someone to help me... but when it happened, omg i was so embarrassed.. i knew it was gonna happen... hah it always happens when it rains.. whatever, it worked out in the end .. really well =]. i went to EHS today and got basic music theory book from mr. brown, hes always looking out for me =], and i started goin through them today before work.. got pretty far, but still have a long way to go.. all these other students in my class took and passed some sort of theory class.. i had no clue what i was getting mself into... i dont regret it though.. i loove music and im excited and nervous to get this done.. the thing is, this is college and i have to remember that. the way they do things here are different... they're not gonna check your homework or check if you're doing all your work... i think... well they wont care... its not like you'll get in trouble... you just may not do too well on the tests.. but if i study and pay attention and catch up on what i missed i should be fine =]

i hope.

but i know who i can go to for extra help/support =]

"don't regret anything that's ever once made you happy."

+natashaluanna

womp womp..

the first week of college and im already screwed...

..well .. maybe thats pushing it a little too much..

basically i had a lot of schedule confusion and conflicts that needed to get sorted out... it started when i asked to double major in journalism and music, and i was told to go to SCILS.. so i tlaked to the lady there about switching my intro to comm class.. [it conflicted with the choirs i auditioned for] and it just so happened that i dont even need that class! so she just told me to drop it and pick up an intro to jouralism class.. duh.. easy right? not so much... the only one with the time i needed was closed and i needed a permission code to get into it.. talk about complicated.. to make things worse, i went over to check out my requirements for getting my BA in music.. and found myself taking a music theory placement test... O_O music theory?? MUSIC THEORY??? the only music theory i've ever been confronted with was grading Mr. Brown's music theory tests/taking them for fun... but i never took a class on it or anything..! i was sitting there with my brother, my cousin, and David watching over my shoulder, wincing at every mistake i made.. which was a lot =/.. so because i didn't do too well on that i had to take another class added onto fundies class AND music theory class.. next thing i know i get all these class numbers and codes and find out what.. they conflict with my entire schedule... and i'm freaking out now because i dropped all my previous classes and can't get into the ones for journalism and can't switch the music ones because i dont have the codes for the other ones and basically feel really overwhelmed with all of the problems and my brother and cousin are next to me messing around with things confusing the heck out of me and we're creating such a scene in a library... ughh soo crazy..

anyway.. the way i sort of fixed it was when i came home, i e-mailed all the teachers whose classes i wanted to join, asking if it would be ok, explaining my situation with my schedule and hoping for the best.. one of the teachers already responded to me and im goin to be meeting with him tomorrow.. what really sucks though is that every class i just went to this week.. im no longer in..

but im on my way of getting my schedule fized now soo thats a positive =] luckily i made a friend and was able to vent to him about my entire day... and that made me feel a whole lot better.. =p

so this experience is going to go along the "crazy things that happen when college starts" list.. and .. im probably not the only person this has happened to.. i know gemma was confused about what was going on with her schedule.. and michelle isnt too fond of one of her classes.. but i have to say, e-mailing these teachers was probably my best idea today.. as hard as things may seem, the teachers are people too right? so they have to be somewhat understanding to a certain point [a.k.a. as long as you actually make sense] and you really do have a lot of control over your schedule .. no matter what they say. someone could tell you it isnt possible for you to be in a certain class, but its you who can make things happen.. you just need to take the initiative to change whatever it is you want different. if you want something to happen, make it happen. its really as simple as that.. it just depends on how much you want it to happen...

now, because of my genious idea to get me BA in music and take fundies, i have a class tomorrow at 8:15 am and will probably need to get up around 7... joy... lol so im gonna go now..

byebyee =]

+natashaluanna

the last week

...this is the last week before we start college...

exciting isn't it? kinda. but then again its also very nerve-racking... everyone's getting ready to leave, everyone's saying goodbye.. they're not even sure themselves of what about to come next or what they're going to do... it reminds me of that entry i made a while back before graduation.. about choices.. and i've made a lot.. and for this last week before school.. i've decided to have some fun!!

this week... i've been up late almost everyday, working everyday, and seen at least one movie every day [thus being up late] i have to say... G.I.Joe and Post Grad were really good movies.. lol.. i went to the beach, hung out with friends.. and still have some more to meet up with before they leave..

edit++ 1:30 am - so i went to work after entering the first part.. and i kinda lost my train of thought... i just got home right now though and i havr some stuff to do.. but what i was saying is that now im gonna be in college and my choices are gonna have a bigger effect on my life than they ever did before... there's goin to be a lot going on and im gonna have to keep my head straight and keep everything good.. its not just me.. but everyone who's starting college.. we must not fall under peer pressure but still have fun.. just know our limits and put school first.. how we do in school leads to our future.. and thats important...

now its kinda late and i kinda wanted to put more stuff in here to like get it out of my head but i have to wash the dishes and iron or else my mom willl be pissed tomorrow morning and wake me up at 6.. and that wont be pretty haha... so im gonna go now..

byebyeee

"Sometimes you have to forget how you feel, and remember what you deserve."

It's been a while...

and not much has changed..

well i haven't blogged in a while... [due to my vacation in california] and i guess i need to get some things caught up..

honestly i don't even know where to start.. but lets see..... a lot happened in cali but i had a great time spending time with my cousins and family there... going alone was a good experience for me and i think it got me closer to my cousins on a more personal level.. i think anyway.. i think they understand me more or if anything know a little bit more of what kind of person i am.. well i had fun.. doing lots of things ranging from volunteer work to going out to clubs and trying new things... it was also y aunts birthday when i went there and they had me sing at her party =].. i went to the beach.. [btw did you know its free???] and fell in a hole... thanks larissa and joey... and danced with a bunch of people ill probably never see again.. but thats ok...lol i also met this guy who happened to be my cousin.. ha ha ... not funny... and went to sea world, balboa park, seaport village, hollywood bowl, disneyland, and the getty villa. i even watched a bunch of movies ive never seen.. hes just not that into you, knowing, push, uhm... idk lol.. and the puppies everyone has were so friendly... also.. i learned its better to not ask what food is before trying it because you'll like it better not knowing what it is... im almost positive... lol...

unfortunately.. one thing i noticed while i was there... was that i was almost always the odd man out.. everyone had their pairs/couples blah blah.. and i was just there..i mean i didn't mind, but it made me think about how things would be when i got back home.. see what i first thought when i came back was ... man im tired of being single and i just want to be able to cuddle and be with someone and have someone to talk to again like i did before... because lol.. this has definately been the longest time i've been single/not in a serious relationship .. but even though i want all of that.. im not going to just go for the next guy that pops up... yes i want a boyfriend, but not just any guy... i want someone who i trust, who i like, and who i can see myself with in my future.. if i can't then its just better to stay friends... because friendships are better than rushing into relationships that won't work out in the end...

i already posted a blog about qualities i look for in a guy and things i dont want in a guy so i dont think i have to get into that.. but really i believe its better to stay good friends whenever there's some sort of doubt about how things will be in the future.. i just need to remember my own words sometimes.. i just dont see the point of doing "flings" anymore.. sure its fun at the time, but then things become awkward when they dont work out.. and flings hardly ever work out... because one person becomes more attached than the other and when that person wants to break it off it just becomes this one big mess... when people are just friends everything is out in the open.. you never really worry about whether or not something you say insults the other because since you're just friends you know you're just joking..

i guess what im trying to get at is.. right now... i dont think i want a relationship... but i want someone in whom i can rely.. someone to talk to when i have a problem.. someone who will be there for me and won't expect anything or try anything.. someone who would... visit me at work just to say hey... who will text me when they hear a song that reminds them of me.. someone who wont ignore me when im right in front of them all up in their face..

i mean.. im only 18 right?? and who knows who i could end up meeting in college.. 

[i guess what sparked this blog was this guy.. of course.. who apparently really liked me but seems to not want anything to do with me anymore.. yeah hes always busy and stuff like that but even when im right there he still doesn't acknowledge my exsistance.. that is.. not until i go up to him first.. and i hate that i do it every time.. but this time it was because i wanted to pay for my food... and that even took a while because he was just .. idk distracted or something and like.. hello?? i want to pay..?? and idk i start a conversation and hes into it but then gets distracted by a brochure that they've had for a while and im like.. no no this is what you do when you're bored im here now... and he was like hahaa.. so idk im such a loser and im tired of putting myself through that.. i dont know how he feels i dont know what he wants and you know what?? screw him. because what i want.. is none of that.. i dont want bs i dont want to be hung up on some guy.. and i dont want to be reminded of the past anymore.. i want to meet someone new... -_- the only thing holding me back is this guy.. i can't start anything when i still have feelings for him ..but im sure once he leaves ill get over him.. i mean that should work right???? right??...?? idk.. he was away for almost the entire summer and i went to cali and he was still on my mind.. of course his current behavior is buging me and really irritating me and hes gonna be leaving so it shouldn't really matter right?? so then why am i writing this in here?? why do i feel the need to vent about this if its not even a big deal?? why why why.. frikkin universal question that never has the same answer for any type of situation... ughh... idk im done .. im done im done im done... i wish he would tell me what he wants... but i think i already know.. he doesnt want a relationship because he wants to concentrate on college and get full experience partying and being free and finally being away from having to be so responsible and he doesnt want to be tied back.. but he wants to remain friends.. and that makes sense.. i mean it makes sense to me thats basically what i was just saying but i guess what i want to know is if he still has even a small inkling of what he used to feel about me still inside him.. and if so.. i dont want him to be afraid to show it.. but its a tricky ubject to bring up without the awkward feeling.. and i dont want to just go into it... i want him to see that even though we had a thing we could still be friends and have it not be awkward to be around each other... so bringing that up wouldn't be the greatest idea.. it would be easier if he just read this.. but whatever.. ill just have to wait?? idk.. blahhhhhh]

+natashaluanna

.:too late:.

walking to the dentist and still people beep at me...

its like really? was that necessary?? hello. not interested. goodbye. lol... i know harsh but seriously?? creepers... you never know what you're going to find in new brunswick....

anyway... i've been pretty busy getting a bunch of stuff done before leaving for california... eye appointments, dentist appointments, picking up more working shifts to get extra cash for the trip =] and i still have to pack... along with planning what i want to do once i get there .. gahh lots to do!! tomorrow i have another eye check up to see how im doing with taking care of my eyes.. and my teeth are kinda sore from the dentist today... and work is.. well.. work =] thats actually the upside of my day =] i like working .. my coworkers just make me happy =]

they're not just coworkers though.. they're my friends.. and right now i love all my friends haha they're just making me feel a lot better than how i've been feeling recently.. ever since my party i guess you could say... i went to justines birthday dinner and the park... somehow got a mosquito bite on my stomach... [its like.. a small red dot an inch away from my belly button... ] and megan and i had a fun time on tuesday at costco and hiding from the spies.. lol... wednesday i went to see "all shook up" with my mom, brother, paul, & nicole.. it was fun.. cute.. nice show... working on thursday was long but nice.. i closed host so it was something new.. people like me i really think they do... the non-cranky ones that don't mind where they sit and actually participate in conversation anyway... and today ... dentist.. yeah.. im gonna have to get my wisdom teeth pulled... they said they have to sedate me for it.. O_O ...scared... but yeah... tomorrows the check up and work again.. and i have to fit in packing somewhere...

anyway.. my busy week has got me thinking.. i need to move on.. lol get over the past and get on with the future.. there's a lot to experience out there and i just need to find it.. im actually starting to get along with my life and i'm doing fine so yeah.. why should i dwell on a person who doesn't even acknowledge my exsistence? its a waste of time if you ask me.. iv always thought that.. i just needed to accept it i guess.. and like.. there are people who are interested in me and actually make an effort... [not including the creepers that beep at me on my way to the dentist] and who knows... things happen for a reason... ill miss the past, but there's a reason to why the past stays the past and never become the future.. so that's it.. im moving on and for you.. its just too late.. im sure you won't even notice that i'v stopped trying to get a response from you or anything and if you do well .. whats there to say.? we'll see what happens but for now im moving on...facing reality.. and maybe will be swept off my feet by someone else...

im such a romantic.. lol... i was reading a survey and one of the questions was "what is something you've always wished a boy would do for you" and i my answer would've been... "for him to come to my house at night, toss rocks at my window, and sing to me at my window from my front lawn" =] haha that would be the best thing ever i swear... in my little fantasy world... a lot of romantic things happen and i get my world confused with reality.. and i jsut need a reality check once in a while... all of my friends though have helped me realize how silly i have been... i mean.. i faced this typical "girl want boy but boy doesn't care" without goin totally out of my mind.. by learning from experience... and now experience is telling me its time to just let it go... i know things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for me and will make sure things go accordingly at the right time... so i just have to trust him.. and i know i was saying i would wait, but why wait for something that doesn't want to be waited for... if there was even the slightest hint that there was some possibility.. i would wait... but not even... not even a simple text 'hey sorry i missed your texts/calls i was jet-lagged and sleeping.... " even if it was in the middle of the night... but no. and .. there it is.. they even said themselves.. "uh well i think you should get a new dude..." hahaha... they make me smile... lol yeah.. its just.. getting out there again thats gonna be difficult idk we'll see ...

im done crying over someone who doesn't even care..

im gonna be positive =]

"The greatest ironies of life: having the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone after that person walks out of your sight ...."

[p.s. i bought new songs and i just have to say music has got to be the best thing in the world... definately the best thing to turn to for anything... i love music....]

+natashaluanna